


i don't wanna get hurt, i don't wanna love you

by meananimagus



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Drunken Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:13:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25142947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus
Summary: soonyoung is aware of the fact that he's one of the most stupid man ever lived for (1) stupidly confessing without assessing the self-readiness in himself, (2) getting stupid drunk and smashed enough to maintain the coherent sanity left in his brain that could've kept him from (3) kissing the hell out of seokmin―blame junhui and his dare, but without it, soonyoung would still have done the same―while seokmin's arm is around someone else.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	i don't wanna get hurt, i don't wanna love you

being the title holder of the 'life of the party' in the entire campus, soonyoung, to the least surprise of everyone that knows of the junior, apparently lacks brain and limbs coordination thus results to him doing the stupidest and possibly the most regrettable thing he has ever done in his twenty-four years of happy-go-lucky living.

the thing about playing the overrated friendship card evoker 'truth or dare' game while inebriated at best on a party is the more or less sixty percent probability that worse come to worst, one of the players will eventually sacrifice themselves to indulging to their smashed as hell sobriety and commit the biggest mistake ever.

and soonyoung should have known of the risks of the game, should have known how to avoid being the sacrificial lamb for the night, should have known not to blind himself with unending variety of liquors being shoved into his hands in a short span of three hours since he stepped foot on the flat that his bestfriends, wonwoo and junhui, owns.

deny as he wants, there was actually one particular reason why, despite his reputation of knowing his apcoholic limits well, he let himself drink and drink until his mind is foggy enough to form coherent thoughts and settle on acceptable decisions. his ex, as stupid as his ill-damaged heart, one sight of his ex for two weeks caused his trainwreck of oneself to impulsively waste off. not to mention that said ex is clinging to a smaller male on his side, an arm wrapped possessively around the boy, who has a distant scowl plastered on his face. soonyoung inwardly snorted at the apparent opposing characteristics that seokmin and the unknown male exudes.

"truth or dare, kwon?" the corner of junhui's mouth is upturned in a way that caused a distrust to churn in soonyoung's guts but that could also be the amount of alcohol he's had inhaled so he shrugged it off. catching eyes with wonwoo, the dark pair seemingly sending him messages until the latter sighed deeply, brushing a hand against his face when soonyoung didn't show any comprehension.

"truth.." he breathed out and the people surrounding the circle let out yells of 'boo' and 'don't be lame, kwon. you're better than that' and those are enough for his fucked head to take back his first choice and confidently spit out a "dare. bring me your worst, wen." which received innocous cheering and high-fives offered to him.

he looked back at junhui who whistled lowly, wiggling his eyebrows annoyingly before speaking, "i dare you to kiss the most attractive person in this party." too smugly as if he didn't just mutter the overused dare on a cliche party game.

soonyoung huffed out a, "that was weaker than i expected from you, wen."

"then do it if you're that great."

and popped off, he did. eyes hazy and hooded with madness and the intoxicating sense of being watched, he stumbled onto his feet, turned around and strode towards the corner behind the couch where a certain male has been lounging ever since the first time he made known of his presence. seated on a beanbag with a bottle of frozen beer in one hand, his free arm still encompassing his companion's shoulders in his left, although not as tight as hours before, seokmin caught soonyoung's gaze, the latter noticing the subtle bob of the former's adam's apple and if not for the emptied bottled of beers underneath the beanbag, soonyoung would have assumed that the pink dusting across seokmin's face is because of him.

drunk out of his mind, his sanity completely wandered off and left him to fend for himself, soonyoung plopped his ass to seokmin's lap, who promptly pulled away from the male beside him and let his hands grip against the fabric of soonyoung's flannel, fearing that the older will fall off. soonyoung let out a breathy giggle before reaching out and pulling the startled sophomore's nape until their lips are mashed together.

amidst the breakout of screams and rambunctious yells of "yes, go get it, kwon!", "steal your man" and "oh my god, he completely lost it" behind him, soonyoung let his tongue draw a stripe of lick at the seam of seokmin's bottom lip and when the younger gasped, he slipped his tongue into the warm mouth, swirling all over and tasting the familiar sweetness that he still has memorized in his head. and he wants it all again, wants to relish to the familiar feelings, wants to devour it all over again.

his fingers found themselves gripping and tugging against locks of soft dark hair as he felt a tight grip and sporadic press of fingers into the flesh of his waist, seokmin's hands slipped inside his shirt in heart-clenching familiarity and soonyoung longed for it so much that it hurts, soonyoung craved for it too much that tears started to accumulate on the edges of his pupil as soon as he felt it again.

he tilted his head sideways, deepening the kiss while tears began to stream down his cheeks, his teeth clanking against seokmin's own. the kiss was sloppy and messy but it was everything that soonyoung needed, wanted. it was everything he missed and thought he would never get a taste of again. he pushed his hips forwards, aching for more friction, his skin burning and as a sharp hiss met his breathless pants, his eyes opened, the ignorance of the reality vanished and soonyoung suddenly recognized the situation he had put himself into. in seokmin's lap, his ex that isn't really an ex because soonyoung is an asshole with a fear of commitment and seokmin suffered for five whole months because of his indecisiveness.

he got off the younger in a haste, giving in to the latter option in his fight or flight instinct and runs away.

______

"stop avoiding me." soonyoung, as cold-hearted as he makes himself to be, halted in his steps without turning back around to face the younger, who spoke weakly that a crack at the end of his sentence reached soonyoung's ears, his chest clenched in pain, eyebrows furrowing in attempts to hold back the burn of tears.

"i'm not avoiding you." it still remains a mystery for soonyoung how he manages to hide his real emotions behind the coldest tone he can muster. he isn't really as good at masking his feelings but seokmin has always been too dense so it doesn't matter.

"yet you exited the gym as quick as you stepped inside the first second you saw me there."

"not everything is about you."

"not everything but this." seokmin let out a bitter chuckle from behind him and his fists clenched, the pain from the sound prickling a series of stings tickled the edges of his beating organ. "on second thought, you're right. you're right, hyung. not everything is about me, when is it ever about me, anyway. when is it ever about me for you? it's always about you. it's always you before me."

words left his tongue, a single tear managed to escape his left eye as he continued to glare towards nothingness while his mind, his heart, everything in him focused to the male behind him. seokmin can always get his complete attention without even the younger trying. seokmin has always had him, even with the younger not knowing.

"i'm so sick of this push and pull game you're always trying to get me into, i'm so sick of waiting for you to run to me or being the one to chase after you whenever you get overwhelmed and turn away. hyung, you don't get to disrupt my peace of not knowing who you are and abandon me after i've completely let down my walls and willingly gave in to falling for you. you don't get to.. t-tell me you like me and say you're not ready for a r-relationship right after you made me like you. and most of all, you don't get to cut ties with me like i didn't matter at all and kiss me after two weeks of no communication like you own me."

soonyoung is aware of the fact that understanding him is a rollercoaster ride with an indefinite duration of spins and laps, even he doesn't get his ownself. he knows what he wants, he doesn't know what to do with what he wants. he knows his feelings, he's scared of them all the same.

"is it always gonna be like this, hyung?" seokmin's voice comes out as a whisper in between sniffles and it was enough for soonyoung to bravely turn around and meet the younger's gaze, except that seokmin has his head bowed down, droplets of tears falling to the concrete before his sneakers, soonyoung swallowed the pathetic lump that formed in his throat.

"i will always not matter enough for you to fight for."

"i'm in love with you." soonyoung croaked out, seokmin lifted his gaze up and his lips formed into a small smile, but it was more out of pain and anguish than it was of joy.

"your love for me was and probably will never be enough for you to try and get over your issues to be with me."

a choked sob, soonyoung folded into himself protectively, arms wrapping around his knees and burying his tears drenched face against his elbows. he couldn't breathe properly when his cries are unrelenting and seokmin remains five steps away from him to reach, to touch, to feel.

"you don't love me enough to want to be with me."


End file.
